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A moment of complete meltdown within fear ( the flashback )

Laoch de na Ulchabhan Dubh
Ravenwood
Laoch de na Ulchabhan Dubh
  • GW2: Ravenwood.6314
  • ESO: @doc_restless
Posted On: 02/05/2014 at 08:33 AM
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Today’s event struck a nerve within my past.

Past event.

But in 2002 I was hit by a Big Rig which pushed me into another car which was a BMW, after that I blacked out and then was told I was hit by a Mustang then a Pinto.

The person in the Pinto was only person who stopped and came to my aid.

I spent 2 1/2 - 3 weeks in a comma.

The Drive of the Pinto was a EMT in training and since the Ambulance would be 20 mins out she had placed me in her car and took me to the hospital.

Danger move she did but if she didn’t would of been my life.

Long story short for Past event I was save after doubts that I would never walk and talk ever again.

2/5/2014

I woke up this morning @ 5:30am so see that Septa Trolley system wasnt running.

I had texted my supervisor about it and was told to wait a few and then check again and so forth.

@ 7:25am I received a text saying Trolley left the main station.

So I got dressed and headed to the Trolley station near by.

After getting to trolley station the Septa Driver said at the moment the trolley wasnt running and was unsure when and if service would restart up.

Being who I am I wait at the station till the trolley came back @ 7:50am the trolley returns and is running so I get on.

15 Block later the power to the trolley cuts off.

Now sitting on the trolley and I forward a image and text message to Supervisor about what is happening.

By 8:15am the Trolley regains power & about the same time I get a text from Supervisor stating to go home there was no power at the job and to be safe.

I pulled the cord for the next stop and started to walk home.

I got to this one area with a cross walk and started to cross almost slipped and fall but at the same token a school bus which shouldnt have been doing what it was doing bumped me in the arm. 

I had a instant flashback of the past event in me and I finished crossing the street, which school bus driver just kept going after it stopped and noticed me afterwards and so forth.

I had a meltdown still about 15+ plus from home.

 I stood in the rain frozen in the moment of silences of my flashback.

After 10 mins of being frozen I started to walk trying to contact a few people whom I know voice or conversation would help me get home, no one replied to me so I knew I had to be strong and carry on to get home on my own.

5 Blocks from home I lock up again almost slipping and falling a dozen times from where the school bus almost took me out.

I stood under a tree trying to get a hold of a few people and still no replied.

I stood under the tree for about 10 mins breathing and trying to control my emotions and fears.

I finally made it home safe and started to talk to roommate and then his mom came out and I melted down crying in her arms telling her what had happen since she knew my past.

Now I sit in my room drinking my special legal coffee and relaxing. 

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Response:

Seaimpin de na Capall Donn
Ragmar
Seaimpin de na Capall Donn
  • ESO: @Artrath96
Replied On: 02/05/2014 at 12:02 PM PST
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I'm sorry. I know what it's like to be paralyzed in fear like that. I'm suffering through a similar situation, in the sense of having to go through situations anxiety and fear like that. I'm here for you, friend, just let me know if you wanna talk.

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Ban Finsceal de na Iolair
Morigana
Ban Finsceal de na Iolair
  • GW2: imagetaker.6807
  • ESO: @Morigana99
Replied On: 02/05/2014 at 01:07 PM PST

Stay strong - you are stronger than you know.  You made it home.   I heard a quote the other day in a movie... "Heroes are not people who don't feel fear... they are the ones that continue on even though they are afraid."  Remember that... remember that you continued on in the face of your fear... that says a lot about you and the inner strength you have.

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Laoch de na Ulchabhan Dubh
Ravenwood
Laoch de na Ulchabhan Dubh
  • GW2: Ravenwood.6314
  • ESO: @doc_restless
Replied On: 02/05/2014 at 02:58 PM PST
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thanks my fellow comrades. 

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Bantiarna de na Aracos Dearg
Jessica
Bantiarna de na Aracos Dearg
  • GW2: kyla.8524
  • ESO: @KylaRose
Replied On: 02/05/2014 at 03:23 PM PST
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Hang in there balor, I know you are a strong person:) If you need to talk I am here to listen.

I wear my heart on my greatsword - Kaii Rose
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Ban Seaimpin de na Capall Donn
Sunny
Ban Seaimpin de na Capall Donn
Replied On: 02/05/2014 at 05:03 PM PST
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Balor?  I never knew you beyond that strong guy that leads timid souls like me into new and amazing adventures.  May the wind be at your back and you gain inner strength and peace. 

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Banlaoch de na Griobhta Dearg
Briseadh
Banlaoch de na Griobhta Dearg
  • GW2: Briseadh.7386
Replied On: 02/06/2014 at 08:06 AM PST
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I know of a lot of the stuff you have been through and understand this completely.  It's rough when you can't get someone on the phone to talk to at the time you need it.  I'm glad you had your friend's mom to help you out and that you actually got home okay through all of that.

Don't mess with Mama Bear, I might hug you too tight. =D
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Laoch de na Ulchabhan Dubh
Ravenwood
Laoch de na Ulchabhan Dubh
  • GW2: Ravenwood.6314
  • ESO: @doc_restless
Replied On: 02/07/2014 at 06:59 AM PST
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You guys is words are helpful wish some of you I could of got a hold of since you guys in a odd way are up when I was going thur this haha.... Friends and Family is what you guys are and your words filled me enough to brace myself for a joyful day that I had yesterday, a few moments for being on the edge but I went into town and took some photos of the stuff around as well as the Liberty Bell, Statue of Washington, Barry, and a image I think is also a great line to live by.

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Ard Bantiarna de na Fhiaigh Bán
JaeOnasi
Ard Bantiarna de na Fhiaigh Bán
  • GW2: Jae Onasi.1408
  • ESO: @JaeOnasi
Replied On: 02/08/2014 at 02:52 PM PST
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Hmm. Did the school bus stop? If not, he's in deep doo-doo for a hit and run, even if the ice made it a complete and total accident. Sometimes these things are related to PTSD--consider letting your primary care doc know about the episode. You can always PM me, too! :)

Hugs!

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Fili de na Ulchabhan Bán
Oldgoat
Fili de na Ulchabhan Bán
  • GW2: daoteci.6924
  • ESO: @oldgoat
Replied On: 02/08/2014 at 08:00 PM PST
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What's important to me in your recounting is that you grabbed yourself by the bootstraps and walked home.  Unaided, in full panic, you still were able to make the decision to carry on.  You are on my list of those who have a very important kind of courage.  I have been there.  I know how hard it is to not just give up and let go.  You didn't.  You gritted your teeth and carried on. 

 

Well done!

 

Get better.

 

!

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Laoch de na Ulchabhan Dubh
Ravenwood
Laoch de na Ulchabhan Dubh
  • GW2: Ravenwood.6314
  • ESO: @doc_restless
Replied On: 02/09/2014 at 03:00 PM PST
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Today was another day where I was revisited by a flashback worst then the first post sadly, looked similar to truck that hit me same color and all.... I got off work today walk out was about to cross street and this big rig w trailer blew right thur the Red Light.. and to top it off bus guy dropped me off at the wrong bus stop so ended up walking a extra 25 blocks home. I think Im stemmed out this week for flashbacks..

 

Took me 3 hours to get home vs standard 1 hour it would normally take....

 

Im alive and thank you all for being there for me in spirit.

 

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