Do you tell your friends or family?

Do you feel happy, proud, strange, nervous or bad when you have to tell someone that gaming is one of your hobbies? How is gaming seen by non-gamers today? is the picture of the raging kid, drinking soda and eating junk food while sitting at a desk, still in peoples mind when we tell them that you will spend your week-end raiding?

I only have discovered MMO gaming 4 or 5 years ago. A colleague of mine introduced me to World Of Warcraft. At the time, he was talking about it like a completely different world where you can do whatever you like. I admit that I looked at him in a suspicious way at the time.  Since then, I played WoW for a couple of years, then Rift since start and a short incursion into GW2.  As a casual player, i rarely spend my whole week-ends raiding. But, whether you are a hardcore or casual player, I would still like to know how the people around you take it to know that you are a gamer and what comments do they make. 

Just point out to them that when they were your age they may have had 10 - 15 friends in their town. You have hundreds globally and learn and interact with international culture, people from around the globe and issues that spread far beyond just our town. It also is a wonderful way of networking and making contacts with people who may be useful in your future in your career. Personally I've met IT people, I've met business owners, I've met lawyers, I've met journalists and bloggers, I've even met a couple celebrities because of gaming. If someone in this day in age shuns the use of electronic entertainment as a tool for socializing and networking then there behind on the times. I've found it to be one of the better tools of the trade.

Sure, we all have good reasons to play video games. Explaining the whys, hows and whats of it is one thing. I am just interested in the initial reaction of your peers when you tell them and how it made you feel.

My close friends and family usually laugh at me and call me a nerd. But in a most loving way. We tend to pick on each other like that. I dont tell people I just met much about it. I am usually cautious about who I tell. I do like Fog's response and now that I think about it, I have met many truely amazing people and should just take that approach when telling others.

When I get asked how I met my husband, I pretty much have to tell people it's a hobby of mine, since he and I met playing WoW. My family's known forever- my younger brother's a gamer and my mom's had to put up with it since we got a Super Nintendo for Christmas in like 1992. She doesn't find the online gaming weird or that I met Leo doing it. Specifically to answer your question though, Delboy, the initial reaction I get from peers is usually an odd look and an "oookay" or a nod and a "that's cool". Sometimes people ask me questions about it, but not a ton. I've had people tell me they're gamers when I tell them and start just talking away to me about it. Scared me a bit the first time it happened, but I got over that pretty quick. I used to get very uncomfortable telling people, but after I'd done it a few times it got easier and felt less awkward. Now it doesn't feel weird to me at all, it's just something I do for fun. When I used to raid though, I never told anyone about that, even if I told them I was a gamer. I'm worried about being seen as the "weird lonely girl" or "soda guzzling raging fat kid" or something. Even now I don't tell people outside of my gaming family about it.

Its not that big of an issue, everyone is a video gamer now, thanks to Facebook and their silly little time-wasting games. That's all people really need to know, is that you play video games just like they do. Now if folks want to go into massive details about the wonderful virtual world of MMOs, then yea... I still give odd looks to folks who do that, and I've been playing MMOs since 1992. Passion can get a little weird... ;)

Probably half the people I know and work with are gamers, but I think Huntsville is an odd town in that we have so many engineers, rocket scientists, business professionals and doctors. It's nerd heaven thanks to the strong roots of NASA and defense contractors in general. So in my circles its not a matter of if you play as much as what are you currently playing :) When I do have conversations with non-gamers and they give me a strange look I like to point out that my hobby costs a LOT less than going to bars, which is what most of my single friends do at night when they get bored. Gaming keeps me happier, healthier, safer and better socialized than bar hopping.

I see absolutely no reason to be ashamed of being a gamer. I don't mind having to explain to someone who doesn't game why I like it so much and encourage them to try it, but if someone is going to look down on me for what I do then I don't really want to associate with them anyway! It's probably different for me, though, 'cause I'm 23 and run a whole business based around the gaming culture, so the people I interact with on a daily basis tend to be gamers or know gamers. I could see it being questioned by the 40+ crowd if I was 40+ as well, but most older non-gamers I know have no hobbies or just watch TV in their free time. Like Fog said, at least with gaming you're interacting with thousands of people. Most of the time the reaction I get from people who don't know I loooove video games is "You're a gamer?!" because I don't look like any of the stereotypes. Out of everything that someone might associate with being a gamer, I'm a young, thin, good-looking, female. The only geeky stereotype I have really is that I wear glasses. Once people get over the "Wow, I didn't picture you to be a gamer", they're all like "That's cool" and we move on like normal. I don't think anyone should have to defend their hobbies to the people they care about, unless their hobbies are becoming destructive in their lives and their friends/family are trying to help them realize that. That's completely different! Otherwise, those close to you should be able to understand and accept the enjoyment you get out of it without being judgmental. If not, and you've explained the reasons Fog said why you do it, they're just being narrow-minded idiots!

My friends and family generally are gamers, so it's not really an issue. Then, at work, I'm in IT and a lot of people I work with are gamers of one kind or another. For those that do have issues with it, I just explain that's it's like the relaxation of sitting down and watching TV, only I'm actually using critical thinking skills, working in teams, practicing communication skills, and, of course, meeting a lot of great people from all over. Like anything else, gaming is only an issue if you become obsessed and it starts interfering with thing like work, school, etc.

back when i was raiding in Rift, i'd tell my husband i was raiding and he'd bring me a plate of food for dinner for me to nibble on in between fights. my husband also agreed that it was fine for me to have a new uber gaming box. we built it together based on recommendations from Tom's hardware guide. now i'm a casual gamer because of my RL time constraints. i don't talk about gaming to nongamers. just because i figure it would not interest them. but i greatly enjoy wandering around GW2 and picking up Family events when i can. it's great fellowship and relaxation.

Not really. Nobody really cares. I mean, I don't go into details, I normally just say that I like to get together with friends and play strategy board and card games, parlor games, and video games. Most people think that is cool or just don't care (usually they find my other hobbies more interesting [the pets I own, my having 6 pinball machines, my being a modern composer, arranger, and performer in eclectic orchestras/ensembles, love of craft beers, etc.]). Unless more interest is expressed I do not get into MMOs or MMO culture, and I certainly would not bring it up to my boss lest he thinks I am goofing off at home playing video games instead of working (the answer is that I am actually working and am good about having appropriate priorities). I have had some co-workers and even some indirect managers who were really into MMOs or other forms of video gaming beyond the "norm" an we had lots of discussions, but those people made it very obvious by having a poster or desktop wallpaper of some random MMO or video game or a 3D printing of a WoW character on his desk or a picture of herself dressed as a klingon at a gaming convention on her desk or something like that to make it obvious that this is a safe subject. I will say that specific games do conjure specific ideas in people's minds. Halo makes many people think of frat boys. Xbox live and PSN make many people think of angry kids screaming obsceneties into the microphone, etc.

Well - some of my friends don't understand - that doesn't bother me. We talk about other things. In comparison though - some of my friends don't understand how a 60 year old grandma of 4 can spout expletives like a truck driver while watching her favorite football team on "any given Sunday" also. I don't discuss football with those friends either. But I was brought up in a family of gamers - albeit it Pong, Outlaw, and the really "old school" games and a football family from the time we got our first TV and could watch sports on Sundays. Heck, my grandma and me were avid White Sox fans and used to discuss the games we saw when I visited her. She was an enthusiastic baseball fan until she died at 99. You might say "games" are just in my genes - and my kids and grandkids were/are raised the same way. I've played COD with my kids (including my daughter - who now realizes how stress releaving it can be) and my grandkids - and all sorts of other games. During "family" events we have game nights where we play board games or video games - it is just "us". We are all huge sports fans also - my daughter is an avid DiamondBacks fan and can name all the players and their positions - goes to games every year and occassionally swears at the TV when we watch the games togther. When I babysit my grandkids I end up playing "princesses" for a while, building train tracks for Thomas, and playing COD - depending on the grandchild. Everyone has different interests ... mine include gaming and I don't mind sharing that with anyone willing to listen as I ramble. :)

» Edited on: 2013-03-14 13:39:04

Saren and I met 18 years ago playing an online MUD. :) Today in the guild my father-in-law, Starbrite and my daughter Fayette play. My brother in law and his boys play MMO's as well. Seems this is becomming the norm. Some people are into social media and I'm a gamer. No problems these days! Kittara

I have no issues mentioning my gaming. Like Fog I do tell people about all the cool people I have met around the world through online games. I know a lot of people that play various computer games. One of the directors at one place I worked played WoW with his son quite a bit. When I was working I had pictures on the wall for my live action gaming with us in costumes. Now that caused a few interesting conversations. =) They got to see me in leather and chainmail armor carrying a sword and shield. Of course, I've been gaming a LONG time and it is just part of my life.

I don't feel out of the ordinary. I'm comfortable with who I am so I don't really feel ashamed, embarrassed or even proud to tell anyone that I play games in my spare time. I don't call myself a gamer though, I play various musical instruments and have never considered or called myself a musician either, I don't have a religion and would never call myself an atheist and would probably find it offensive being labelled as such. I am who I am and who I am is me.

Any hobby can become out of control even when in moderation it is a good thing. I have an obsessive personality. Whenever a hobby becomes a negative aspect to other parts of your life and you still continue to over engage in that activity despite the negative consequences then the hobby has taken over and your an addict. I did this with games. I still sometimes on a day off will hardly get off my Lazyboy but for an hour or two. I can veg in front of my MMO and lose track of time. This in its self isn't soo bad. But when my child wants a snack and I say, "In a minute, I need to finish this real quick", then ten minutes later that kid comes back and asks again and I have forgotten. Thats a problem. This is my problem, though I am much, much better about this and will put down the computer at a drop of a hat now to take care of real life demands and children. When I watch "The Guild", and I see that mother who puts her little toddlers in a play pen and ignores them to the point of neglect, it unfortunately strikes true with me in a small way. There is the sterotype with gaming because of some like me who take it to far. I was still able to get through school, my kids are well funtioning and not scarred from my occasional putting off of their requests. But I am embarassed to tell people that I game because of those images of myself when I over indulge in my hobby. They see that I'm over weight, and a sedatary hobby is something that I don't want to advertise. I would become too sedatary letting my health suffer because I would rather veg all weekend. Not good. So this can be said of being a sports fanatic who watches to much T.V. Or someone who is constantly unengaged, preoccupied with a hobby turned monster, reaking havoc in their personal life. Gaming gets an unfair rap for its sterotypes. Most the people I now game with are very functional, good, decent people who help me be a casual gamer who occasionaly gets hardcore when time allows it. Balancing life can be very difficult, and with my addictive personality I have to watch my self. Others of my family know this, so Its difficult for me to say to my mom, "Yeah, I spent half the weekend with my family and the other half on my computer because of her experince with me, gaining weight, letting my house go more than it should, my relationship with my wife suffering at one time because of it. Instead I tell her about the hour I spent at the park with my kids, highlighting that activity, and ignoring the rest of the day, as I am still embarassed at times. Especially with my family who knows how gaming in my past has negatively impacted me. I don't let my gaming do this to me anymore, with only moments of letting it be unhealthy. It takes tremendous effor for me to do this. Well it did at first, when I realised and admitted I had a problem and began working on it. Its easier as I have spent the time balancing life. Each year, each experience hopefully helping me establish my most important priorities with my relationships with family, job, and personel hobbies. So this topic, strikes a very personal cord fro me. I have been that sterotype, chugging back caffeine, letting life slip me by kind of person. I know there are others out there who struggle with this type of behavior as well. Video games are an amazing distraction to real life. But if used improperly can distract one from life. I don't judge those people, I can relate to them. I want to help them. They can feel great about there time spent away from their favorite video game and tackle life with their relationships or lack there of, to employment or lack there of, or whatever. I don't feel guilty playing my video games, its when I let it play with my life back that I get embarassed. It does happen to some.

It's so much more social then sitting and watching TV which most people do for hours and hours.

/agree with Solarity - not only that - there are some studies that show it is great for hand/eye coordination and keeping the mind healthy and happy. Excercising your mind has been found just as important to hold off the aging process as excercising your body. Yes - doing anything to excess is not good - that includes but is not limited to eating, drinking, video games, sitting on your butt, and even exercise - which can tear muscle down instead of building it.

That always makes me laugh, if someone told me I was in league with the devil, it would be like saying I am in league with batman or the tooth fairy.

LOL Elth, totally agree. Its the same misconception with table top games. They got a horrible rap for being in league with the devil back in the 80s. My grandma saw I was reading fantasy novels that had witches and sorcers, goblins etc... and thought I was worshiping in some form things of the devil. LOL. My grandma is awesome, don't get me wrong. But she had some major misconceptions. She should have read a little more C.S. Lewis when she was younger. :) Any who, Its important to be tolerant of those who don't understand. Its easy to put people on the defensive and words will fall on deaf ears real quick. I hope to eventually put gaming with my own family in a much better light as I improve my own life. That is the ultimate testiment to anything really. Good thread, and I learned alot from the above mentioned opnions and thoughts. It helps me to form my own ideas on the subject so I have well thought out answers when asked about my hobby. I will try harder not to avoid this part of my life with those I love and will make a better effort to highlight the positives, without ignoring possible negatives. Same is true of many hobbies.

shhh... Don't let my wife know I'm sitting here playing GuildWars2. She thinks I'm just watchin midget porn. Just kidding!!! When folks ask me what I do for fun during leisure time I tell em I'm playin vidia games. It entertains me, keeps me off the streets and out of the bars, and at my age I don't care what others think! :)

I'm open about my online gaming. my friends and family know I play them and the reason's why. I use MMO's as a stress relief. my parents have even bought me online gaming time for my favorite games every so often

I'm in the same boat as a few folks in here, in the sense that a pretty sizable portion of the people I work and socialize with are also "gamers", so it's just something that comes up in normal conversation. That said, there are some people who do still saddle it with the social stigmas of a decade ago, but I've found that frequently the people who look at gaming on a console or desktop like a second-rate pastime are the same ones who think nothing of playing Angry Birds, Words With Friends, Farmville, or other "gaming-lite" fare on their phones or laptops. Gaming is still a niche, but it's not nearly as compartmentalized as it once was. Some people just have yet to get their heads around that.

My 6 year old boy, seeing me being a gamer myself, has many consoles to play with. I let him play the age appropriate ones. This love of gaming started for me at age 6 when nintendo hit the scene. I now use games to teach him many things. The IPAD2 is my favorite device for him since I can grab reading games, math games, science games etc..., that he loves to play. His most current favorite is a music app where he is learning much about music and the wonderful creation thereof. I ordered a powercord for an old keyboard of mine that has been collecting dust for 6 years. He is by far the smartest 6 year old I know. LOL. I know, I'm biased, but you should see him go. He wanted to make the solar system so him and I about a month ago go to walmart and grab supplies. We are working on Saturns rings and I run out of those fuzzy wire things. The planet looks pretty fantastic with small moons floating around it and cool rings. My boy starts counting off the rings and the number is incorrect. He directs me it needs X amount. I already forget the number. I try to convince him it looks fine. He gives me a look like, "you kidding me, its not correct", this kid knows his stuff and with the solar walk app on the IPAD tells me about the planets he is reading. He can read that stuff already. He tells me about the diffrent seasons and why they work the way they do, he grasps the concepts of earth tilt and its position to the sun. Holy Molly this kid is smart I tell my self. A lot of it has to do with his personality and capabilities, but... So much of it has to do with allowing him to play the IPAD and its many learning Apps. Its like he goes to school and learns only a few new things, gets home and is bombarded with the best teachers and interactive apps out there. Math vs. Zombies is his favorite math game, and with a little help is getting his mutliplication down pretty good. He is even getting very basic algebra which helps in adding and subracting in many situations. Reading Apps...So Awesome. There are some amazing interactive stories where he can have it read to him. Or he can read it and press something to have the story come alive. These types of tools are going to be the future. It grabs these kids. I don't think most teachers know about these tools. Maybe some ultra rich schools do, where the kids have access to these apps on IPADs or something. My two year old is getting his counting down pretty good and has the alphabet nailed thanks to some of the leap frog games we have. He even makes the sounds for each letter. LOL. Anyways...I guess these are things I could tell my friends and family as well. If my kids are going to be gamers, they might as well be brillant at the same time. They are going to be so much smarter than me. :)

Heck yeah I tell everyone, and I try to promote it! Nothing to be ashamed of. Well, back in 99' when I played my first MMO, Ultima Online, it wasn't so mainstream. Being a gamer back then wasn't so accepted as it is today. As people have stated, many, many people play online games, it isn't a taboo, its a way of life. I have had many hobbies through the years, but way way back in the early 80's when I first touched my first computer (Radio Shack TRS-80 Model I), I knew I was hooked. I've been a gamer ever since. Now, that I belong to a wonderful gaming family, it makes the online world even better!

I grew up a gamer. I was the nerdy kid in high scool band who spent his weekends playing D&D in my friend's basement or raiding in oldschool Everquest. Then I went to college and discovered beer, a fraternity and life outside gaming.My life has had a lot of twists and turns but in the end I always come back to gaming as my stress relief. Now I'm a 31 year old police officer sergeant with kids of my own and a wife that is disproportionatly attractive to myself lol. Ya know, 128 lbs, blonde hair blue eyes. When we met she was opposed to gaming and saw it as nerdy. Then she played WoW with me one night and she got hooked. I think in general, people have closed minds until they try it. In law enforcement I tell my friends I play and they accept it. They don't judge. I think its a generational thing personally.

I also grew up as a gamer. My older brother got me into playing EQ, back in about 1998. Since that time i have been playing mmo's. Even before 1998 i was like a magnet attracted to gaming consoles and the very first pc's like Amiga etc. Its apart of who i am now. I just explain to my friends/family that its my hobby and they just have to except that fact. I also have met so many people over the years and it has helped me to become less of a shy person which i naturally am. It opened up my world to different cultures and ways of life that people have and it certainly has helped me in my job to become a people person (registered nurse is what i do). It also allows you to except people for who they are and to not judge like a book cover. You can also affect another persons life online so you do your best to support others and my policy is to try and include all. I have existing friends from previous guild, game and communities which extend past 9 years. I feel blessed to have experienced all that i have. Now i am 31 years old, happily married and have two children. Both my kids are like polar opposites one blond hair/blue eyes and the other brown hair and dark brown eyes. My wife has over the years learned to accept my gaming hobby, but she says it isn't for her, which i understand. Mutual agreement in the amount of time that i spend doing it and as long as i spend time with her and the children it is okay by her. I am very fortunate to have a wife that has the same job as me and she understands what we go through as nurses and that gaming is my release valve to the stress and pressure that we go through on a daily basis in our professions.

I have even met people in online games that have gone on to do great things because of the games that they have played or are playing. For example i met someone on DAOC 7 odd years ago and they are now working with arenanet as a dev doing class balancing. See mmo's are evil, like Fog said people have made careers out of mmo's. Any way that a job is made and allows people to support there families is a big plus to the world.

It's funny you mentioned the devil worshipping D&D era in the 80s and 90s Cliff as I experienced the same issues here in Australia. When I was 13 in early high school myself and a few friends would play D&D in the library after school as we had to wait an hour for the bus home. This was 1992, in a small country high school with about 500 students from age 13-17. Anyways, our deputy principle was a typical fundamentalist christian woman who had heard all the bad press from the USA, next thing you know she confiscated our books and banned all RPGs in the school for fear that we would go on some murderous spree lol. To think, if it wasn't for D&D, my english and math skills would be extremely poor (remember THAC0?) as I didn't quite take to traditional teaching methods. It's crazy how much influence fear and ignorance can have on society, I'm glad that it happened though, it opened my eyes to the world in a way, that just because someone is an adult and in authority, doesn't mean they are infallible.

Omg, THAC0...I feel so old now, thanks! lol

I'm not ashamed to tell people I'm a gamer. My husband and both of my kids are as well. Just about everybody who knows us, knows this. And those who don't.... I don't care about. Their opinions aren't important enough to make me feel ashamed of what I love.

To Hit Armor Class 0. ;) Now you are making me reminisce and feel all old and junk. I have the first D&D (not AD&D) starter box and we used to play that a bit. Growing up we actually played very little D&D/AD&D - I mostly played that with people in college. We played other pen and paper rpgs. Call of Cthulhu was the big game, but that was because I liked it so much and ran regular games. There were plenty of others. Anyone here ever play The Whispering Vault? That remains my favorite rpg and I have regularly run it until I stopped having time to play rpgs at all a few years ago. You know . . . I am going to start a fun thread here in the tavern for people like me to feel all old and nostalgic in rather than hijack this thread.

I'm a fairly conservative Christian, if a bit unconventional at times. I haven't sold my soul to Satan while playing D&D. If fact, I've GMd games with my hubby and kids. :) My general rule is 'when in Rome, do as the Romans do'. If the topic comes up, we discuss it. If not, we don't. I take the same stance with politics, religion, and other controversial topics, too. Some people are fine with it, some people aren't. If I'm with someone who hates gaming, well, there are a zillion other topics in the world to discuss. At work, it tends to come up somewhat often because it's an icebreaker for me with my teen patients: "Hey, what games are you playing lately? Is it bothering your eyes at all?" Some of the parents HATE hearing I love gaming until I point out to the teens that I got through doctor school by doing homework first and gaming after. Some of the parents do appreciate that I give advice based on journal articles and my own experience with my kids. Teens appreciate that I'm pro-gaming but still fair about setting boundaries. I have let some of my very fundamentalist/evangelical friends know because my kids are likely to talk about it with their friends. I explain how we game, what we do and don't do (we don't RP evil players (except as GM), nothing anti-religion, etc.). That way they don't get weird ideas about what happens when my family talks about gaming nights. A couple of my friends have later come back to ask me what I thought about X game for their kids, was it too violent, were themes appropriate, and so on, and I've had the chance to share what I thought.