A guide to dealing with bigots and bullies.

Here's a dang good article detailing effective ways to deal with bullies and bigots online.  It was turned down in its current form by Gamasutra editors, which is a shame since I think this information should be standard in all of our online 'toolboxes'.

http://makemeasammich.org/2012/07/26/a-call-to-arms-for-decent-men/

I'll have to check this out when I have a break at work.

Great article and one I personally totally embrace. Not very long ago a woman, for whom I held the door open, watched me also hold the car door open for my fiancee and commented "men like you are a dying breed." That is sad state of affairs indeed. For what it's worth, I try to set the example every day and certainly did with my son.

A lot of points in that article that I agree with. a few that I don't. 1. I disagree with requiring real names. I do however think that it would be a good idea to have fixed names that accounts/characters are attached to, which is part of what GW2 has done to some extent, no making another character to keep bugging people. Issue with real names being required is that it can lead to ethnic or gender discrimination (names that sound very "muslim" or are simply from the middle east, a transgendered name, etc) 2. I agree that it is society's responsibility to teach and raise good men and good women both. Unfortunately in america, that responsibility has been put on the parents alone. I remember a time, and I know of many countries where the way it works is "it takes a village to raise a child" everybody watches and disciplines everybody's children with an socially accepted and consistent standard. Many parents are so-so parents. some parents are bad parents. Some parents are great parents. If everybody was responsible for teaching/disciplining all children, then that would be a pretty big impact on children growing up. More comments later

I don't think it's necessarily a "boy" thing, even if a lot of the most egregious examples are male. When Drakhor was about 5 yrs old, I had the TV news on, and Drak asked how come they're always arguing. I realized he was right, it was all yelling, 24 hr news had turned to 24 hr yelling. On all the channels, nothing but diatribe. So we haven't had TV since. If you look across our culture, the very worst behaved are the people at the top. I used to be in an "elite" profession, but left it after finally realizing almost everyone of my colleagues was a rude S.O.B. with no moral character. And what's more, if someone was a nice person, we viewed it as a weakness or deficit. It's true across all the professions, the higher you go, the worse the people are, epitomized by the talking heads on TV, presidential candidates who cheat on their dying wives, businessmen who destroy lives for a boost in quarterly revenue... The problem isn't that we don't teach our boys right from wrong, good behavior from bad. It's that we teach them all too well.

It's nice to see people admit internet sexism once in a blue moon. I recall there was an article on a similar subject on MMORPG.com some while ago, and people there were using the same arguments Ernest accuses. It's interesting how big the divide is. Some people see it clearly, some do not see it at all, and, yet again, think it's all about them. A friend of mine thinks women are enslaving men and turning them into boys right now with all the scary laws. The "What's the big deal?" comment really resonates with me. Especially in PvP communities. I often leave whole games (Heroes of Newerth) because it just gets too terrible. I think Mulch hit the nail on the head regarding some issues in our society. "...if someone was a nice person, we viewed it as a weakness or deficit." I am not a Christian, but I think we would all benefit from an infusion of Christian morality. Kindness, forgiveness, understanding your own failures, modesty, accusation of evil, lying and cheating, self-control and discipline.

» Edited on: 2012-08-03 06:28:39

I have to agree with Flarewind. The author has a lot of good points, but I don't agree with having to share your real name online. There's other ways of dealing with that. Take me for example. Unless I've met you in person (and this even goes for fellow Gaiscioch players), you won't ever find out my whole real name and where I live. Or unless I choose to contact you through email. But... I use "Vampiresbane" as a pseudo real name. It's my online personality that I always use and it's detrimental to myself to misbehave when "Vampiresbane" is in my forum name or over my character's head in a video game. If I act badly as Vampiresbane, I'm essentially acting badly as myself and it hurts my reputation as Vampiresbane. But because I don't give my real name out freely, I can keep my anonymity for my real life so I can keep that separate and just in case I meet a complete wackjob online, he has as little information about myself as possible. This is something I'll have my kids do as well to keep them safe, but once they've decided on a "game name," I'll want them to keep it and protect their reputation through that "game name." Folks can post their real name if they want, but I'll never judge them if they don't because I can understand why you wouldn't want to.

The real name versus anonymity is a question I wrestle with. From a practical standpoint, I can not afford to have my professional life and my gaming life intertwine. And it's best that my family life stay out of both of those, most of the time. On the other hand, in my professional life, my mentor was one who always signed his reviews, in a field where most reviewers are anonymous. He figured if he couldn't say it and sign his name to it, either he needed to do his homework and get it right, or work the language to be less inflammatory. Not to shy away from a fight, but to make sure the fight was fair and honorable. On the other hand, I had a colleague who appeared in court frequently for civil suits - where your words and identity are very explicitly public - and he got so many threats he carried guns everywhere, like literally in his gym bag. (altho to be fair, I think he prob'ly woulda carried the guns everywhere even without the threats) For me, as someone who games with family, it's just not an option. I intercepted a sex predator approaching Drakhor on-line in a video game (not Rift). Safety first!

I'm kinda 50/50 on the anonymity question. I really appreciate anonymity because it allows people to be more honest rather than afraid that someone later will pick up that information and use it against them. It also makes discussion more egalitarian because you do not know anything about that person when you meet them online. Their looks, height, gender, race, etc., are not a thing until they choose to reveal them. What Mulch mentions above is a consideration, as well.

I'm pretty much with vampiresbane as far as my name goes (though I'm pretty open about my real name if asked). I've been using drigr (well drigr x at first) since I started playing runescape back in like 6th grade. You google drigr and drigr x, you'll find me on diferent game forums/high scores tables, and evn my youtube account. It is my identity online, just as much as my birth name is in real life. Sure, enough digging and you'll be bound to find me saying things I probably shouldn't have said, but most are probably from when I was younger, and even in real life, I tend to call people on it when I think they are spewing BS